Jesus in me

As I am writing this I feel so overwhelmingly humbled.  I am forever grateful for these moments in my life when God sits me down and says ENOUGH.  This life I gave you is not all about you.  It's about ME.  During these moments all I can do is fall to my knees and ask for forgiveness.  While tears are streaming down my face I hear God whisper in my ear that He hasn't forgotten me.  He KNOWS how hard it is for me to drive a car that is barely holding on and when it's -30 below without heat it's not pleasant.  He KNOWS it's too small for our family.  He KNOWS how weary I am of living in tiny apartments and always shushing the kids for being too loud.  He KNOWS and CARES about every one of those things.  During these moments all the little things that seem to be weighing me down don't feel so heavy anymore.  

After I cry those warm tears that come from some place deep, I surrender and say I get it, I really truly get it.  It's not about me, it's about the neighbor lady who is a single mom raising her disabled son.  A woman who just brought her 7 year old son home from the hospital after having open heart surgery.  A woman who found out her son had a missing chromosome while pregnant.  A woman who's husband left her before the baby came because it was too much for him.  I lay in my bed and cry tears for her and tears of gratitude for my two healthy girls.  I feel God's soft breath against my face and hear Him whisper in my ear, it's about her.  And all I can say is, how Lord?  How can I help?   I want to be a light when people see me they see the love of Jesus shining back at them.  So instead of wanting a new car or a new house or whatever silly little thing I think I can't live without. I ask to be more like Him.  Help me show her how much You love her.  Help me be Your hands and feet.  Help me bear her cross. You see, I have everything to be thankful for.  

Who is it Lord that needs to know you are still there and still love them and that you are proud of them?  Who is it Lord that is barely hanging on and needs to know it gets better?  Show me so I can show them YOU.  Take out of my heart whatever is selfish and put your heart in place.  Thank you for loving me enough to show me what's inside Your heart.  So I place my hand in Yours and begin this journey of showing You to the hurting.  

Loving Him always,

Jill